Perfectly Flawed - Morning Self-Talk

I took this photo this morning as a way of figuratively giving the middle finger to how I woke up feeling about my appearance.

Aren't we our own worst enemies at times? Perhaps more times than not? From this photo I can rationally see that I'm quite presentable enough to go out into the world and not be rejected as a hideous ogre. But that's not how I felt.

I see my bad skin, first thing in the morning before the make-up goes on, and it makes me feel sad. Ironically, my very first thought about my skin this morning as I saw it in the mirror was, wow, it's really starting to heal! Maybe I'll talk more soon about what I've been doing to try and treat my post-pill breakouts without resorting to awful medications like Accutane... but that's for another time! However, only about an hour or so after thinking positively, I started to stress about how I looked. I see a tummy that just won't be flat, no matter how much running around I do at work, how much Zumba I do at home on my Wii, and how much I try to eat healthily, whilst not cutting out every single last thing that I love.

I stress and anguish over my already generously-sized bottom. Is it just me, or does it look bigger this morning? Why am I a couple of pounds heavier? (I refuse to draw from my bank of knowledge, that weight is constantly fluctuating throughout the day and also during a woman's cycle. And weight, after all, is only a number.)

I make myself feel so bad about the way that I look that I almost don't want to go outside. I feel more like hiding under my duvet and watching Netflix.

But then it starts to come back to me. Slowly, like waking up from a dream (or a nightmare). Something in me begins to rise up. I am more than just the way I look. I am a whole being; a complex mix of lovely and less-than-lovely; imperfect but perfectly so.

I realise that the reason I have felt low this morning and have struggled with my thought-life is that I haven't given myself enough energy (a.k.a food) to run on. Somewhere early on in the morning I made a semi-conscious decision to reduce the two most important meals of the day to one small snack, as a silly attempt to finally achieve the body I have been chasing my whole life.

Cruel head-voices, I refute you! I deserve to eat well, to enjoy life (and that includes food!), and to be the best version of myself every day. That version will always be imperfect in different ways, but I will ALWAYS be good enough.