A makeover and a rant about being vulnerable

Yesterday I got my makeup done in Debenhams at the Estée Lauder counter. The lady who did it was a beautiful person of about sixty, very chatty and warm, which put me right at ease. Because I needed to be put at ease. Because as much as I love getting my makeup done and trying new styles and being a little bit pampered, I felt so vulnerable sitting there on that high stool in the middle of Debenhams with the bright lights and everyone passing by, and my bare face exposed for everyone to see. My adult acne right there and obvious on my face, a physical example of the fact that we all have issues. Really painful, sh***y issues (no other word to describe it really). Whether that's a skin complaint or anxiety or depression or chronic pain, or family problems, relationship problems, money problems; things we all  conceal with smiles plastered on our faces, our very British 'I'm fine, how are you?' or with makeup and filters.

Having acne on my face sucks. Your face is the first thing people look at when they meet you. It's the carrier of our expressions and emotions, and we are so quick to judge someone's face when it doesn't quite please us the way we think it should (and we have such high standards now, thanks to the media and the photo-shopping, air-brushing, perfection-chasing culture). It's easy to sink into negative, depressive thinking about ourselves when we feel like we don't measure up. We all hate to feel less than perfect. We hate for people to see our vulnerabilities and weaknesses. We want people to see us as perfect, even though we know this desire is completely ludicrous and that perfection doesn't exist. The kind lady asked me if I was on medication. To which I replied, I have been, but I'm trying to cure it naturally now. The thing she didn't realise is that my skin is two-thirds clearer than it was two months ago, after my skin erupted into post-pill mayhem. The pill I had been on for my acne (which is so obviously hormonal) had caused me to have scary stroke-like symptoms, so of course I had to come off of it (sadly!) Any antibiotics I have been (and I have been on many) have always worked to a degree but never completely, and they have screwed up by digestive system, made me feel unwell, and made my skin erupt even more after coming off of them. So now I have turned to nature. I have done a lot of research , talked to lovely people at health shops, got my hormones checked by the doctor and have invested in a whole lot of supplements and vitamins which are slowly and surely working their magic. I take zinc. It's meant to be so good for your skin, and over time is said to do more wonders than antibiotics. I take Vitamin b6. This is known as a wonder vitamin for women, especially when it comes to hormonal issues. It relieves a lot of troublesome PMS symptoms (bonus!), and stops your body reacting to the androgens which tend to build up just before your period, which often causes more acne around this time. I take cod liver oil. It's full of goodness and contains vitamin A and vitamin D, both of which are fantastic for your skin. I stopped using products which harsh ingredients, and have switched to washing my face with a gentle, 100% natural nettle soap, which my mum finds at little outdoor markets in obscure locations in Scotland. Yes to buying from local small businesses! And yes to this soap. It is a wonder. Finally, I oil-cleanse. I know it sounds like you shouldn't be putting oil on your face when you've got acne, but I found out that if you have acne-prone skin, drying it out will only make it worse. Your skin will produce more oil to compensate and then you'll get more blocked pores, creating a vicious cycle. At night I cleanse with an essential oil concoction, using camomile cleansing oil as my carrier, and adding drops of tea-tree, lavender and myrrh essential oils. My skin always looks fresh and radiant in the morning, despite the spots. I don't know if I'll ever have perfect skin. Maybe I'll find some magic cure. But for now I'm content to see a little progress every day, and not to be pumping my body full of medications which may be doing more harm than good. I just need to remember that yes, having acne sucks, but it doesn't de-value me. People who love me love me despite my spots. And having acne doesn't even mean that I am automatically ugly. It is not my fault, I am not my acne, and everyone has issues. Mine just tends to be a little more difficult to hide. I conclude with a picture of me with my fancy Estée Lauder makeover. Remember, you are more than your problems. You are uniquely and beautifully you, and you deserve to be loved and not to have negative self-talk pulling you down all the time. Value yourself and others will value you, too.