How to Crochet a Flower: in language the inexperienced crochet-er (a.k.a the commoner) will understa
When you look at a crochet pattern, it's full of abbreviations that look like initials that someone has forgotten to capitalise, Chinese, or rude words in Klingon.
For example, apparently 'alt' means alternate (not what you press with 'delete' on your keyboard to get up that magic screen when your computer has frozen), MC is not my sister or Mr Hammer, but the main colour; and cOnt is continue. Oh, and just in case you were getting the hang of these babies, dc is double crochet which is sc (single crochet) in the US. So you've got to make sure you're not mixing British with American-style crochet-moves. Heaven forbid.
So do you want to make a pretty little crochet-flower like me? If so, read on....
What you will need:
1. Small crochet hook
2. Wool
3. Needle with large eye for sewing-in loose ends
4. Scissors
5. The will to live.
Step 1:
Take your wool. Don't cut off anything; just leave it in a ball. If you're anything like me you will put it in your lap, from where it will roll down onto the floor more than half-a-dozen times before you're finished. Word of caution: remove any cats from crochet-working area before commencing.
Find the end of your ball. Your wool-ball. Now make a slip-knot. This is like making a noose, only for a very tiny person. You have plenty of experience in tying nooses, I'm sure. (Disclaimer: is nooses even a word? What is the plural of 'noose'? I'm voting to make it 'noosi'. Who's with me?)
Step 2:
Slip your noose-knot over your crochet-hook. Tighten it so it won't slip off. Now begins the craziness. You're going to need to make a chain of eight stitches. To help you learn how to make a chain, I've imported these little illustration numbers.
If these don't help you, you may very well be a lost cause. Basically, you use your hook to grab your wool and pull it through the slip-knot you've made. Then you keep doing that until you have eight chain-links, if you will.
You probably don't will. Feel free to take a tea-break or a moment to scream into your pillow.
Step 3:
If you're still with me, congratulations! You probably sought out help from a cat-loving older relative, or Youtube. Or a dog-loving younger relative, or Tinder. Wherever you young people turn to for help these days.
Now you're going to want to make a circle with your chain. So basically, pop your hook into your first knot and look at this diagram:
Now pull that first loop through the one on your hook, and Bob's your uncle. Or Ian or Steve or Alexander or whatever his mother had the good graces to call him.
Step 4:
Now comes even more craziness. To make your circle thicker, you're going to start doing something. I recommend you do something crochet-related. In fact, I recommend you do the following.
Put your crochet hook through the centre of the circle you've created. (By the way, you should still be attached to your crochet-hook via a loop. None of this free-spirited 'I lost-my-wool-along-the-way' nansy-pansy nonsense!)
Now add another loop onto your crochet hook. Don't think it stops here. Add another one and pull the top one through the other two. Do this 12 times. Or is it 10? Try a number. Any number. Sorry people, it's the blind leading the blind here.
Step 5:
Chain 10 stitches into one of the outer stitches of your circle. Stitch it into the next stitch around your circle. Repeat six times until you have roughly six petals. I say roughly as I have somehow managed to make five or seven before. I think it depends on your ability to crochet.
Step 6:
Stitch 10 sc stitches into each petal. Here you can choose from a variety of options to decipher this abbreviation. I propose: sour cream, standard chutney, seven cakes, sesame croutons and single crochet. What are your suggestions?
Step 7:
Ignore everything I have said and look it up on YouTube.
May the blessings of the crochet-flower be upon you all.